Right now he is my only grandfather. I always feel like I never want to see him. I get this feeling about not having a grandfather and start to get really emotional. I know I shouldn't think that way and I should try to see him more often but it's just the part of me that doesn't really want to see his face anymore. I hope I get over this feeling and just think about how I have a grandfather right now and I should be happy.
On Sunday afternoon my mom, some other family members and I went to visit my grandfather. When I walked into the nursing home and saw all of the people just sitting around I wanted to leave as soon as possible. It made me so emotional thinking that my grandfather is going to be like this. Just sitting around and watching TV all day. I guess I have to realize that it's the safest place for him right now and its where he should be, we hope he can go home in a month.
When we walked into the room I saw him in a wheel chair. I was speechless. I wanted to die just looking at how badly injured he was. At that point I was totally thinking about my other grandfather who died and how my other grandfather might die soon too. And when I heard my grandfathers voice I was about to burst into tears. It was the first time I have heard his voice in a while (Especially because he broke his hip). I couldn't even stand the fact that he wasn't talking straight and he was telling the same stories over and over again. But another part of me really enjoyed seeing him and listening to him talk.
Then when he mentioned something about dieing I couldn't stand it any more all that sorrow rushing threw my body, my heart pumping like there's no tomorrow. I wanted to cry I wanted to fall to the floor. For a second I felt like my heart stop beating I felt like I was going to die. I got that feeling were my muscles were all just giving up and my body wanted to break. Just then I realised he was smiling. It seemed to soak all the sorrow the pain that I had left in my body and I felt happy again. That moment was golden. It was like it had never happened to me before.
Then we all started laughing and talking again. We wanted to try to get him to do a word search. That was when my happiness shattered. It all went down to the floor in a million pieces. He said " I have to think about more important things right know". WHAT??? Is doing the word "sail" really that hard. He tried to change the subject at least four times. He needed to get his brain thinking or he's going to end up even worse than he is now! We all had a really good time seeing my grandfather. And so we decided to say goodbye and gave him hugs. So we got out of the nursing home and got in the car I started crying like as in balling my eyes out. I just hope my grandfather hangs in there and starts doing those word puzzles :)
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